If I ever launch an airline!

If I ever launch an airline, here're some unique features it will have!
1. Priority De-boarding: Everyone sells priority boarding- what is the point? Why pay more just to get in a few minutes earlier when you can stretch your legs in the terminal a little longer? If I ever launch an airline I will offer Priority De-boarding. Those who pay extra for this will be escorted to front of the plane just before landing and will get to get off the plane ahead of rest of the passengers.

2. Cook your own meals: Instead of trying to sell food for high prices, my airline will rent kitchen access by the minute. Passengers can book a few minutes of onboard kitchen, cook their own stuff and enjoy the meals.

3. Folding seats: I will install foldable seats, like those in the last row of SUVs. Any unsold seat can be folded to create extra space and probably those who sit behind and get to enjoy this extra space can be asked to pay a premium

4. Enter and Exit the plane via cargo hold: What is this drama of passengers having to check-in their bags, then wait to collect their bags and so on? In my planes, life will be lot simple. Passengers will take their check-in bag all the way to the plane on their own- those who have check-in bag will enter via cargo hold, keep their bags in the hold and climb a ladder upstairs to their seats. While getting off the plane they will take the ladder down, go to cargo hold, grab their bags and exit via cargo door. I don't have to pay baggage handlers, no risk of losing a bag in transit, no need for anyone to wait for their bags. Simple life!

5. Keep your phones on: Instead of torturing all passengers to switch off their phones, I would simply install a signal jammer near the aircraft- let them try using it. Saves time and effort for everyone.

6. Bring your own food and drink: Instead of paying for expensive catering, in my airline passengers can bring their own food and alcohol. But rule is only 50% they get to consume and the rest airline can sell to other passengers. It is win-win for both. Instead of paying 3-4 times the cost for onboard food and drink, passengers can bring their own food for one fourth the price they would have otherwise paid, get to consume half of it- meaning 50% savings for them outright. Airline will sell remaining half to other passengers to recover its operating expenses- no need to pay for expensive catering and other passengers also get to buy super cheap.

7. Special exit for pilots: Planes almost entirely run on autopilot. Physical pilots are there only for psychological assurance of passengers. There is no reason to have them in the cockpit all the time. In my airline pilots will enter via rear door, walk through the aisle of the plane so that everyone get to see them, then enter cockpit, make some announcements and then exit via cockpit windows provided with an external ladder. This way they can proceed to repeat this duty on the next flight while previous aircraft goes to its destination on its own using Autopilot. Smart right?

8. Select your profile: Instead of treating all passengers equal, we will give everyone an option how they would like to be treated. You can select from
Option 1: Give me all the food and drink you can at once, let me have it and go to sleep
Option 2: Keep feeding me continuously all through the flight- if anyone refuses their meal bring it to me as well, as I don't like food being wasted
Option 3: I just want to sleep. Can you pack and parcel my food?
Option 4: All my food is in cargo hold. Can I go there and get it?

9. Serve food before boarding or after reaching destination
What is the need to do so much circus and serve food onboard? My airline will serve food to passengers while they are waiting at the gate or after they reach the destination- this way catering cost will be low, people can have a comfortable flight without having to eat bland food in confined spaces.

10. Rename Economy as Superior Class
Most hotels have renamed their basic rooms as "Superior Rooms" to give an impression that guests are getting a better category rooms. I will use same tactic and call my Economy as Superior Class

Will you fly with my airline?

2 comments:

  1. Nice article Sri.

    My big idea would be to lock the seatbelts after the plane lands in the destination. It should be then systematically released Rows 1 - 3, 4 - 7 etc....

    The chaos after a international flight lands in India and the airhostess pleading everyone not to get up while the plane is still taxiing is very very depressing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or have a sun roof above every row, let people get out and jump off if they are in such a hurry

      Delete

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